Zucchini Bread and a New Choice

It has been said before, including on this blog, that family dinner is one of the greatest contributors to the intellectual development of children. It also develops strong families. It has been my goal to be there for family dinners throughout my career. Sunday, however, are special family dinners. They are more relaxed and we try to spend more time talking and sitting together at the table. We are developing a strategy with our two-year old that even when she claims to be done, she must stay strapped into her booster until everyone is done. We tell her, "we want everyone to be together at the table at dinner time." She was very resistant at first, but she is much more willing now. We try not to be forceful. We at least excuse them to go to the bathroom. Despite our efforts, however, we have had a hard time getting everyone to stay at the table for very long. It helps that my wife reserves Sunday dinners for dinners that she knows the kids love, like spaghetti or ginger chicken. That guarantees us a few minutes at least. But my wife discovered a new weapon for family togetherness--zucchini bread. I can't remember ever spending that much time at the dinner table together, and everyone was happy about it.

On another note, our son, who is really the best four-year old I've ever met, has days or moments where he kind of disregards us. I can understand not always hearing his name called from across the house. He probably can't hear it as much as parents think--kids are not waiting with bated breath for us to call their names--his four-year old mind is also busy discovering and analyzing or imagining things. It's a lot to take in already, even without a parent shouting his name. To be honest, I wouldn't like it anyway. We try to go to the person whose attention we are seeking and get their attention in a less ostentatious way, if possible. But even when we do that, he sometimes outright ignores us or walks away. My wife has reminded me that he is four and that I should not get offended when I am ignored sometimes in the calling a child's name scenario. However, she agrees with me that in this case it is unacceptable. So, my son has been given a new choice--stay and respond then listen and obey, or I "help" him to do so. Being the smart and independent boy he is, he caught on quickly and much prefers doing things himself than having his father hover over him and physically guide him around. He will do anything to guard that freedom. Of course, I also must refrain from being too forceful or making excessive attempts to get his attention for things. One thing I am learning is that giving him choices builds him up and strengthens mutual respect, forcing behavior not only fails at some point but also merely provokes him and pushes him away.