Listen to What I Mean, Not What I Say

Although I am an attorney, I am not always precise, especially when communicating casually with my family. I've often had to back-track a little by saying, "that's not what I meant." Over time, I've made somewhat of a joke of it. Now I respond, "Listen to what I mean, not what I say." As with every piece of advice that comes out of my mouth, some experience with my kids forces me to either eat those words or take my own advice. Today's example involved a brilliant idea I had to build a little obstacle course for my baby girl to crawl over so that she would stop climbing the big stair case for a while, a distraction of sorts. My son took one look at what I made with the cushions and said, "This is a bad idea." Scarcely had I turned to walk into the kitchen to chat with my wife when I heard a light "thud," my baby crying, and my upset son yelling at the top of his lungs, "DADDY! I. TOLD. YOU. THIS. WAS. A. BAD. IDEA!" There was obvious scolding in his voice, but there was something else in there too--pain. My son is very protective of his sisters, paternal almost. He watches out for them lovingly and loyally, and he is very tender toward them. It took some tuning in, but noticing that he hurt when his sister got hurt made me realize that what he was really saying is, "Daddy. My sister got hurt, and I don't want her to hurt." This wasn't disrespect or being a bossy cow. This was an expression of concern for his sister, and it was very sweet. After picking up and comforting the baby (who only rolled 2 inches off of a couch cushion onto a thin carpet rug, by the way), I put my arm around him and told him I appreciated how much he cares about his sisters.

As a side note, this is one of many things that my kids did today that reminded me how wonderful they are and how lucky I am. There seem to be days when every time I look over at the kids they are doing something that reminds me how grateful I am to have such good kids. These moments tend to over-power those not-so-grateful moments, at least for me. It is a different world out east. People are very busy and very focused in on very few aspects of life. My wife and other friends have commented on how other grocery store patrons look at them with their three children in a way that can only be described as a mix between seeing an alien land right in front of them and discovering that your child has stayed out past curfew--kind of a shock/patronizing disapproval look. Though there are so many who are not like that--my judge and coworkers in the chambers, for example--I feel bad for those who are. If only they knew how fulfilling it is to raise children and see them do things like sit down at the breakfast table to have a conversation with Mommy, or team-up while playing hide-and-seek, or sit silently together looking at picture books in their pajamas, or commented on how pretty my wife looks as she and I are getting ready to go out. All of those things happened today. A favorite phrase that onlookers use is, "Boy, you sure have your hands full!" I think that if they knew what they were missing, they'd wish they had their hands full too.