Fighting Over Dishes & The Biggest Hug

Dishes--Allowance has resulted in arguments popping up in unexpected places. As background, one responsibility my son has to qualify for allowance during the week is setting the table. But there have been times when we've had to call him repeatedly to do it. We decided we were done with that. He now owes us 1/5 of his allowance whenever we have to set the table for him. He's only had to do that once so far--he reset the table anyway. Today looked to be the second time. Only, our toddler wanted to set the table instead. So, we determined our son would pay her. That made him jump up. Not only that, he refused to let her help him even though we told him he would still get paid if he let her help. A fight between our two oldest ensued while my wife and I were in the kitchen with the baby. We don't like fighting so we try to handle it quickly. But this time we just looked at each other. How do you handle a fight over who gets to do the chores? Should we punish our son because he won't let his sister help? Thank goodness for the attention spans of children. The fight blew over before we could figure out what to do. I guess we could have worse problems--well, we do, but I've posted enough on potty training. Still, we're not in bad shape right now.

The Biggest Hug--My hug from my son tonight before bed would rank among the biggest he's ever given me. He usually gives me pretty big hugs, like tackling hugs or bear hugs, but the "big" in the hug was of a very different nature. To explain, we are both feeling very sick. On top of that, I do not have what sick kids need. First, I am not their mother. They know that, and I know that. You may think that I am slow on the uptake, but it is not being slow, just hopeful that someday my kids will seek comfort from me on a regular basis in addition to seeking it from their mother. Right now my wife is leading in comfort opportunities a zillion-to-one. I cannot nurture or comfort the way she does. In fact, that is whom I seek out when I need comfort too. Second, I still don't have the patience to slow down and understand what a sick child needs. My son would not tell me. Well, I thought he was telling me when he kept whimpering that he wanted Mommy to help him get ready for bed. After a while of waiting for my son to respond to what I felt were patience directions to get undressed and into his PJ's, I got tired of it. I even told him that if he didn't get moving he wouldn't get any books from me or Mommy. Finally, he started to cry and say, "Daddy, please just leave me alone. Just wait a minute." I felt horrible. I thought I was being patient, but I didn't really get that he was exhausted and physically and emotionally spent. It wasn't the typical four-year old distraction that kept him from getting ready. As hard-hearted as I can be at bed-time, especially when I feel sick too, I told him he was right and sincerely asked his forgiveness. Then I decided to give in and let Mommy help while I bathed the girls--something that required more work, especially when your toddler has an accident on the bathroom floor. Before I left, I told him I loved him and gave him a hug. To my surprise, this exhausted little boy put all of his remaining energy into squeezing me back as hard as he could and in a way that said, "Thank you for understanding. I love you too." I may not be the main comforter, but I think he felt somewhat comforted to know that his father cares enough to say "sorry" and really listen to what he needs.