Rules of Swordplay

I came home to an empty house. But I knew that my family would be home soon so I started boiling water for spaghetti. I wanted to impress my wife by trying to be helpful. But it was not to be. She came home before I could get the spaghetti in the pot and made something else. Instead, I went downstairs to play with the kids. Unfortunately, the kids did not come home happy. It wasn't because they didn't have a good day. On the contrary, they were tired from having too much fun at their cousin's house. It was hard to get them downstairs to play while my wife made dinner, but I finally managed to get my son to play swords. We pretended that he was a bad guy who injured me. So, as I pretended to expire I charged my little girl to defend my honor, gasping, "Do it for Daddy!" Inspired, she picked up the sword and began swinging away. But, in a moment of distraction, my son knocked the sword out of her hand. Then came the silence we all fear, as she inhaled slowly, paused, then screamed as loudly and as high-pitched as she could. She screamed so loudly that she scared her older brother and made him cry. So, instead of sword fighting nicely, they both ran into the kitchen to Mommy screaming and crying. So much for my efforts to be helpful.