A Tale of Two Cs

If you thought that kids could care less whether Cheese-Its had letters of the alphabet on them, you'd be wrong--at least as far as our two-year old is concerned. My wife took her to church while I stayed home sick with the other two kids. My wife later told me that our as our little girl was eating the crackers as a snack at church, she would hold up some of them and say the letter before popping them into her mouth. Both of us were thrilled. She can recognize some of the letters now. As soon as my wife told me, I asked my daughter if I could check her brains. I held onto her ear, peered inside, and said, "Yep. Your brain is getting bigger and smarter." Immediately, a big smile beamed across her face and she starting singing the alphabet song to me. I could tell she was proud of herself and gaining confidence in her learning. I, of course, was proud too. I never expected her to burst into the ABC song like that, especially because she used to be so shy about it. But a little lesson I learned from this is that I should never underestimate the power of a compliment. A recent Wall Street Journal article addressing a trend between wealth and intelligence determined that a major factor in intellectual development is whether and how often the child is criticized or complimented. The article pointed out that where intellectual development is low, When the children live in an environment where they are criticized 80% of the time and complimented only 20% of the time, their intellectual development is low. Where the percentages are reversed, intellectual development is high. I don't know where my percentages fall. To be honest, they are probably the worst with this independent little girl. On the one hand, she is beginning to stay dry through the night and during naps--a big big deal! On the other, she sometimes struggles when she's awake and distracted. She's also afraid of going number two, holds it for days, and goes in her pants. I was the unlikely one who had to clean it up today. No compliments there. I'm thrilled about her accomplishments, but frustrated by her struggles during the day. She is also not very compliant in general. It almost makes it worse sometimes to point it out her because she enjoys it. But, at least we can capitalize on her joy in doing the opposite of what we say at dinner by telling her not to eat her corn or rice. It worked tonight on her rice. I am also a perfectionist, but at the same time feel that my kids are as close to perfect as kids come. So, maybe I'm a 70% complimenter and a 30% criticizer. I'll ask my wife to make sure I'm not being too generous with myself. Either way, I hope I can improve my record. Judging from what happened today, I'm convinced that compliments produce results better than criticism.