Control Theory

So much for yesterday's theory. I do not think it is wrong, but I'm realizing that it is much easier said than done. Many of my posts have centered on sincere communication, quality time, and patience. The reality is that those are difficult things to accomplish. That is why just as many of my posts discuss understanding myself and my kids, being patient, worrying less about things that aren't that important, and learning to overcome my selfishness. Oddly, I do not think my challenges are always related to being tired, stressed, busy, etc. For me, they are more about control. Perhaps I should start my quest there. Prime examples of my control complex include getting offended when the kids don't listen to me, such as at bath-time tonight when I got frustrated that my three kids kept splashing, screaming, and wiggling around as I tried to bath them, or just before dinner when I asked my son to sit at the table only to have him try to escape and play a little longer. I sometimes stop them in their tracks or remove the toy that is distracting them, all of which startles them. Another example of control is getting frustrated and impatient when my kids make messes. I always cringe when I put a little scoop of food into my baby's mouth only to have her push it back out onto her bib or the tray table, or when my wonderful wife puts corn, beans, or other vegetables on her tray and she smothers them and drops them down by her legs and on the floor. Our son also wiggles quite a bit at his seat (until we threated him with a booster seat) causing him to drop his food. Our toddler always drops her drink and spills it out onto the table, the floor, or her. All of those things, except by some miracle spilling the drink, also happened tonight. Finally, I have a hard time letting the kids touch my stuff because they generally forget to put it back or otherwise take care of it. One of the many wonderful things about my wife is her calming influence on me. She reminds me that many things are not life or death, that I am being proud when I choose to get offended, or that I should laugh at things a little more. For example, our son covered the basement floor with toys, later explaining that it was "Toy Land" and that "Kids don't clean-up toys in Toy Land." Genius! But there are days, like today, where I lost my patience not once, not twice, but at least three times with my kids (mainly our oldest) within the short two-hour period of time we had together between work and bedtime. I think the mistakes feed into one another. I blow it, feel like a bad dad, become more impatient, and blow it again. Days like today remind me how much this corporate dad still has to learn. On the bright side, I apologized to my son when I put him to bed. He replied, "I still love you. You just made a bad choice." Unfortunately, he's had to forgive me many times for the same mistake. I'm not sure that is teaching him true repentance. But, how lucky I am that he is so forgiving. So, back to my quest. I need to learn to discern between those things I need to control and those things I do not need to control, and give up the latter. Good luck!