The Data Plan and The Family Plan

Have you ever been in a conversation with someone who continually pulls out his or her phone to check emails while you are still talking to them? Believe me, the experience still leaves a sour taste in my mouth. So when I got the job offer at a law firm--a really good law firm, meaning relationship-centered--I thought I could go without a phone with a data plan. I continued under this delusion until two weeks into my job when I realized that in the days leading up to a deal I'm basically on call. Just prior to realizing that I need to succumb to this, the sour taste got a little more sour. I decided to sign-in to my work email from home and check-in throughout the night regarding a deal. There were emails going back and forth until about 9:30 pm. But they were emails that could have waited until the next day. I thought, "if a smart phone requires me to stay up and constantly check and answer these kinds of emails all night, I'm definitely not getting one." I realized that this wasn't entirely realistic. Senior lawyers want things off their plates quickly, so they send them off as they think of them. Not only that, why wouldn't a lawyer answer an email, even one that could wait, during a break in the action at home in the evenings if it meant he could make money doing so (assuming of course that it was related to a client file)? Although I stand by my position that people are too attached to their smart phones--more so than to real people standing in front of them, in some cases--I think I had a chip on my shoulder. This is a good career at a good firm with great people. Starting out at a firm is like a medical residency: it is intense and an important way to ear your spurs as a professional. It is also like starting a business. The other attorneys are my clients for now, until I get clients of my own. You can't beat the training. Also like a residency, sometimes I will be on call. So, what does this have to do with the family plan? Simply put, the family plan, as one partner described it, is that family comes first. Work comes second. Just make it a close second. The way I apply this statement is that an ounce of prevention prevents a pound of trouble. There is no need to work Saturdays or Sundays, as long as I put in extra time during the week. I start a few hours early every day, and planned with my wife to call-in no more than two late nights a week, if necessary, during a normal work week. As to the smart phone: don't let it be smarter than you. I will likely review and answer emails in the evenings or on the weekends, but there is no need to interrupt family dinner or other plans, or a conversation for that matter, to do so. There may be exceptions in certain situations, and we accept that. Our family has definitely had to adjust from life working in the federal government. I sleep less and work more. I miss about two family dinners a week. But, I'm not as much of a stickler about bed time and try to take my time reading to or talking with the kids before they go to bed. I wrestle or swim with them even when I don't have the energy. I help at home without complaining, unless it is after 9:30 pm. And I issue fewer commands. As time together becomes a little more scarce and a lot more valuable, I want my time at home to be as positive as possible. For example, my kids and I frequently discuss the intricacies of their Halloween costumes--a pirate for my son, and a princess for my older daughter (the youngest will be wearing the duck outfit her sister wore last year, but doesn't speak enough or care enough to share her opinion about it). We're still figuring our new life out, but we believe their is a way to achieve that balance. What is interesting is that we all seem happier now. My wife enjoys feeling more independence at home with kids and plans, since I can't be as involved anymore. And I think I am much more patient. The kids seem to be happier too. We are much more conscious of our time with them, and I think they appreciate it. I am also a Scout leader, which takes away another night each week. Maybe it is that our kids appreciate their time with me more than they used to, but they are excited about Scouts and other things that I am doing. They take much more interest in it. Lest anyone think that things are perfect, we just barely threw away our empty boxes after two weeks here. Although the other rooms are mostly set-up, our room is still filled with boxes. Our older daughter has decided she does not want to have to worry about when and where she goes potty, so she is back in pull-ups. She is also phasing out of naps, which raises emotions to whole new level. We are still figuring out what to do about our son's preschool, since people here charge and pay Harvard tuition to prepare their 4-year old kids for Kindergarten. We find at least one cockroach a day in our home. Last night it was on my bath towel, then on me, as I was drying off after a shower. And, we're still unsure about our landlord. Ultimately, the conclusions I've reached over the past few days are the result of a lot of introspection over several difficult weeks of transition. Well, we're only two weeks into actual work (four weeks into life here). They have been tiring weeks, but we are happy and still putting each other first--though work really is a close second right now.