Super Kids

We dug out our son's winter pajamas to find his Superman, Batman, and Spider Man pajamas. We put them on the kids after church with the capes we got them at Six Flags yesterday. I loved watching them run around to make their capes fly. They also played super hero games together. My favorite part, however, was the realization that what they were wearing really reflects how I feel about them. They are super kids. They take good care of each other and good care of their parents. They are loving and polite and desire to do good. They are also incredibly creative and tons of fun. In addition, they are developing too many talents to list on this post. Looking at them in those super suits just made me think, "Yep, they really are super heroes."

Anniversary Day 2

"Wouldn't our kids love this?" This was the comment we made throughout our day at Six Flags. Our favorite things about our day reminded us of the kids, including how frightened my wife was of the Superman, how cool it was to take pictures with super heroes and Loony Toons, the prizes for games, the cowboys slinging guns, the bumper cars, and even some of the rides. I loved the nostalgia of it all. We both realized we hadn't gone to an amusement park like this for years. We rode almost everything once, and realized we weren't up for some of these rides any longer, especially if they were the rickety old roller coasters with wood frames that knock you around like a rag doll. We loved those when we were kids. But we're older now and get headaches with the "jerky" rides. We also decided to ride the log ride and got soaked. We were surprised how quickly we got through everything we wanted to. We have so much time on our hands without kids. It was a bit strange. Interestingly, we did not take the extra time to ride more rides. The thing we wanted to do the most was find prizes and souvenirs for the kids. We missed them a lot and loved picking them up and spending time with them. In addition to the prizes we won, we got them super hero capes. We couldn't help it. At first we joked that we couldn't stop talking about the kids, but we really didn't want to. They are our greatest joy and an endless source of wonderful conversation. Either way, we needed this day off from the stresses of getting ready for the move, not only to unwind, but more importantly to strengthen our friendship.

*Of course, none of it would have been possible without my sister-in-law watching the kids. After picking them up we went out to eat before going home to bed.

Anniversary Day 1

Since we are moving on our real anniversary, we celebrated Friday night and today. Last night we saw the last Harry Potter and stayed at a hotel. Next to us in the movie theater was a little boy about the same age as our son. As may be expected, we can't get our children out of our minds. This little boy made things worse. We were shocked that a mother would bring such a young child to that movie. Then we began thinking about how passive parenting is a growing trend and how easily negative influences could creep into our kids' lives. We were able to enjoy the movie, however; as well as the feeling that for the next 24 hours, we did not have to be responsible for any children. In fact, we were a little bit like children ourselves. We even jumped on the hotel bed just because we could. It was strange how quiet and peaceful everything was.

All Too Ready

We just finished packing for the night--almost midnight. We had a break in the action today, because I had no commute today. I worked from home (come to find out, this is harder on my wife, because the kids are too excited to take good naps or quiet time). So, when I punched out I played with the kids. I think with all of this packing going on they and I have a lot of pent up energy that we needed to take out on each other with some wrestling, tickling, and sword fighting. They were so excited, and I realized they hadn't had much fun Daddy time since we started packing in earnest. They were all too ready. So was I. I think all of us are also all too ready to settle in our new home, so that we can get back to real Daddy time.

Our Little Guardian

Well, the toddler at the center of many of my posts this year discussing her independence, her spunk, and her lungs, is the center of another post for another reason. She has become our little guardian. Lately, I frequently hear her making sure everyone gets a turn or that nobody gets left out. That includes books, treats, games, movies, a piece of cheese at dinner, etc. She also always runs to Mommy's aid when I wrestle with her. Though she has lost none of her other talents, she is definitely developing a strong sense of nurturing, like a little mommy. Maybe it has something to do with her growing collection of baby dolls. She did this a lot for me when I was Mr. Mom. She also did it several times today. For example, in addition to offering me a piece of her cheese (because other at the table got some), she also wanted to make sure I got a manner bean in the manner jar for thanking Mommy for a wonderful dinner. I told her the jar was just for the kids. She replied by telling me that the manner jar was for a list of names, including people who are not members of our family. As I was reading to my girls tonight, I switched off a little between her books and our baby girl's books. At one point I was about to read a second book of hers in a row, but she stopped me and reminded me it was her little sister's turn. I've always thought of her as my little angel since I stayed with her in the hospital while she had RSV as a baby and watched her always smiling at everyone despite her discomfort. It helped me keep perspective while I was stressing about law school. Now she's grown into our little guardian angel.

Screamers

I'm not sure if all girls are this way, but mine are. I understand that emotions are big things, probably too big for their little bodies to handle. I just wish their first response to any emotional impulse wasn't screaming. Our baby girl wanted me to open some markers so that she could draw on anything and undoubtedly put it in her mouth. I declined, and she screamed. Our little girl laid the blanket she took from the baby out on her bed. Our son was sat down on one of the corners, and she screamed. At least with her I could remove her from the situation, calm her down, and talk to her. There were other instances as well, usually there are several each day. I love them to pieces, but I can't wait until they grow into their emotions.

The Shock of Calm

Today was a stressful day. So, I was surprised when I found myself following my wife's advise during the moments of drama in our home this evening. First, we excused our son from dinner before our daughters because he finished first. Naturally, he hung out near the table, playing, and distracting his sister, who was only too happy to stop eating and play too. On no less than four occasions, I asked him or told him to move away from his sister and the table while she was eating so as not to distract her. Being a smart boy, and the son of a lawyer, our four-year old tried to excuse himself by trying to distinguish his conduct from the conduct he was sure I meant to prohibit. Surely balancing on the edge of the couch by the dinner table is not the same as playing near the table. Well, whatever distracts his sister is close enough for me. Exasperated, I took a deep breath, excused myself from the table, had him look me in the eyes, and told him very calmly that no matter what he is doing, if it near the table distracting his sister, it is not the right thing to do (although now I wonder whether I said it that clearly). He got it. Second, later on there was an altercation resulting in our daughter crying. She told us that our son hit her. Knowing from his face that he did, I was tempted to put him in time-out right then and there. Instead, I asked him to tell his side of the story and asked him questions about his behavior and what his behavior should have been. If my calm response the first time was a surprise, a calm response the second time was even more so, even to me--his excuses do get old quickly. So, when I told him to sit in time-out, he complied without resistance. I guess being calm and asking the kids questions about their behavior shocked them into compliance. I think I'll try it again tomorrow. I certainly feel less guilty than when I raise my voice and issue commands. I think for my son especially, since he is older and quickly advancing, it makes him feel like we recognize his intelligence.

Double Melt-Down

We should have known that after taking the kids to the beach and returning late that night would take it's toll on our kids, one of whom was sun-burned. It happened during church. The older kids were tired and grumpy and a fight ensued. I took our crying daughter out into the foyer until she calmed down. As we walked back in, our son was crying and my wife was trying to carry the baby and nudge our son out to the foyer. So, we all went out of the chapel and into an empty classroom where the kids calmed down, and my wife and I burst into laughter--that is what we do when we are powerless to do anything else. Several people commented between classes, checking if everything was all right or teasing us a little. At some point I knew we would be that family, you know, the one with the noisy kids at church. Today was our day.

Last Time At Assateague Island

Burning sand greeted our feet and humid heat greeted the rest of our bodies when we returned to Assateague Island for a somewhat sentimental farewell before our upcoming move. It felt like a combination of being fried, baked, broiled, and steamed all at once. As with the activities of last night, the adults were the only ones complaining (except my little girl about burning feet). We caked sunscreen on them and got down to the water as soon as possible. The water was only 65 degrees. The heat got so bad that by the time we were eating lunch, we were also considering returning home. I for one was anxious to end this miserable existence and return to our air-conditioned home. But sweet relief wafted in shortly after lunch. The temperature dropped and a breeze blew. What looked like it would be the worst day ever spent at the beach--ever--turned out to be one of the funnest. Our daughters finally gathered enough courage to walk out to the water without being carried, and our son was more or less body surfing the small waves breaking onto the shore. He's never jumped into the water like that in the previous two visits to the ocean. They are growing up too quickly, and despite my being a stick in the mud at first, we did end out time at the island on a high note.

The Sun Was In My Eyes--Camping

Even the weather can affect fatherhood, hence the title of the post. We went camping this weekend. It was planned in advance, but without advance notice that this would be the hottest, most humid week of the entire summer. Though my wife had everything ready when I came home from work, and we made it to the campsite without any problems, we were hot and sweating no matter what we did. This resulted in much less patience, and even less capacity to reason or filter our words when challenges arose like what to do with the kids in the meantime. Actually, we did have some short tempers both when loading the car, then when unloading. We looked back on it later and realized that we did not know why we'd been so short with each other. "It must have been the heat," we concluded. We were blessed with an overcast and breezy evening which seemed to say, "I'll lighten up on you for the kids's sake." Although there was some measure of chaos getting everyone rinsed off (from sweat) and into bed, we did have a fun evening, especially going to sleep in an air-conditioned camper instead of a tent.

The Small Things

Today seemed full of small things that remind me how much fun it is to be a father:

1. My son peering into my mouth while the dentist cleans my teeth. He was even allowed to use the air sucker to clean out the rinsing water. He loved every second of it, and I loved watching the look of fascination in his face. The hygienist commented, "You must really trust him. That could go up your nose." I couldn't say anything, because her hands were in my mouth, but I thought, "He's earned it." I told him so later.

2. Playing in the mini pool in the backyard with all three of my kids. No matter how reluctant I am to do it, I always feel happy and energetic afterwards. I also feel closer to my kids. My wife even commented, "Wow, you're in a really good mood."

3. Wrestling with the kids before bed. I am not reluctant to do this, but it still has the same result. We are all happier and feel closer. Interestingly, the dental hygienist commented that wrestling with Dad has been shown to stimulate the intellectual development of children. No wonder they're so smart.

4. Reading to them in bed. I especially love my son's questions, my daughter's requests for one last book right after I read the last one last book she requested, and my baby girl backing into my lap to start reading and later sitting right back down on my lap when I stand her up to get everyone ready for bed as if to say, "Hey, I'm not done yet."

It truly is fun to be a father.

Heavy-Weight Worries

I am not sure why I feel more relief staring into space and thinking about the logistics of the upcoming move than I do taking my anxieties out on playing with the kids. But that is what I did. In addition, I took a phone call regarding our move shortly after starting to read books with my son at bedtime. My son waited patiently with his head on my lap. Then it became too much for him and he began asking me to get off the phone. I had a friend once tell me that she was an escapist reader--the more there was to do, the more she read instead. I think I am an escapist organizer--the more there is to do, the more I organize and plan things. That may not sound so bad, except that we are to the point where most things we have to do right now are done and I am just repeating those efforts. In other words, I escape through ineffective labor. But it's the fact that I'm laboring that makes me feel better. It's a little sick, I know. But know that I've pinpointed the problem, I can get back to playing with the kids next time.

Lost Puppy

After such a great weekend with the kids and missing them while at work yesterday, I was excited to be able to stay home again today while the family went back and forth to doctor appointments. The morning was a blast, playing together. As the afternoon came on, however, I began to feel really tired and anxious to get back to work. I started wandering around the house looking for things to do instead of playing with the kids, not because I didn't want to play with them, but because I was anxious to accomplish some work. I'm sure my wife didn't mind the extra help, but it was probably a little funny to watch her husband wandering around like a lost puppy.

Back to Real Life

The transition back to real life has been tough. We didn't want to leave this morning, and my son really had a hard time with it, though I couldn't tell if he really didn't want me to go or really just wanted to go to McDonald's right away. I had promised that if we had a good week while Mommy was gone, we could go to McDonald's for family night. Either way, he wouldn't let go of me and he screamed. But coming home I felt greater patience than I usually would after work. I hope that quality sticks. Ironically, my wife was feeling like she'd been hit with a Mack truck (which is usually how I feel when I'm through with a work day). The restaurant was just what the doctor ordered. Two tired parents, no dishes.

Mr. Mom: Day Four

It's hand-off time, and it's a little bitter sweet. Sweet because we all really missed the real mom, especially me. Bitter because now the kids' favorite is back and I am not the principle source of comfort and fun or the principle object of snuggles. I have to share the good as well as the tough. This morning was a headache getting ready for church, and if it weren't for some friends in the congregation who were willing to sit with us and help with the kids, I may have lost it. It's funny, one whole good week with the kids and the only time I was tempted to lose my temper was during a one-hour church meeting. I regrouped quickly and really gave the last full measure of love and patience until my wonderful wife made it home right before dinner. When she arrived, the kids exploded with a new sense of energy and it was difficult to get some order out of chaos enough to have dinner, books, and bedtime. But we loved the time together. I am especially proud this week of keeping my temper during the whole four days. The kids deserve a lot of the credit. Next to that, I am proud that the house was clean, dinner prepared, and everything in proper order when my wife returned home. I've become quite domestic. In fact, I was a little protective of the house at first and found it a little difficult to hand back over the reigns. My wife commented how surprised she was when noticing certain things. That does a lot for a man's pride. In short, we had a successful week, and I feel so much closer to my kids. I think I will miss being able to focus only on them. Maybe someday I will be lucky enough to be a stay-at-home dad.

Mr. Mom: Day Three

I've heard runners discuss that point where there bodies want to give up--the wall. I think all of us have hit that point today. I'm tired of the pace. I have to sprint back and forth to accomplish in one day an eight of what my wife can accomplish in a day with her eyes closed. I wonder if she is secretly an octopus. To give you an idea of how tired we are, I woke up at 8 am, as did my son, but the girls woke up at 8:15 am with some coaxing with the toddler. Coaxing was also required to get the girls up from naps, again mostly with the toddler. It may seem strange, but I think part of the reason the kids are so tired is that they have to put in extra effort to help Daddy in his effort to be Mommy. I think they are subconsciously pulling some of the weight of having no Mommy around. My oldest daughter, for example, has checked up on me several times during the week to make sure that when they get a treat or a drink or something I've gotten one too. Several times she's asked, "Are you hungry too?" or "Did you get your water?" I think she's noticed that I often don't eat and drink with them, unless it's family dinner. I find it easiest to eat either before or after them when I'm watching them. Ultimately, we had a fun day, and the kids again gave me their vote of approval on my temper. We started with two-and-a-half hours at the park--the only park I've ever seen that I'm sure was designed by someone with kids because it was completely shaded. The kids showed off all the tricks they've learned with Mommy. Daddy also pushed them higher on the swings then Mommy would approve, but they liked it. We had a picnic lunch, complete with gnats. After our eldest's quiet time, while the girls were busy napping, my son and I did some science experiments from a kit given to him by my mother-in-law. We got a little carried away and used up all the remaining ingredients to see what would happen. Nothing blew up but we got some cool chemical reactions. I had to use some extra baking soda and vinegar--sorry, Honey, I couldn't help myself. We did some reading practice, mostly on blends. Then we had a good sword fight. The kids did have a little bit of a melt-down this evening, fighting over toys. It was clearly because they were too tired to control themselves any longer. I quickly warmed up the spaghetti dinner they refused to eat yesterday and encouraged them through dinner, ice cream, and bath, to try to be happy so that we could have a family movie night. Toward the beginning of the movie I cleaned, then put the baby to bed. I would normally let her have popcorn with the older kids but I was too tired to deal with the mess and the problems caused by her incessant swiping. Once she was in bed and the cleaning was done, the kids got their popcorn, finished the movie, potty and teeth, a book, and finally bed. I tried to encourage my son to sleep in my bed tonight. He was confused. I explained that I've enjoyed the extra time I've had with him so much that I think I will miss it when Mommy comes back. Alas, he wanted his own bed and completely missed the sentimentality of it all. He did sneak back downstairs and changed his mind only to change it back again before I could lay him down on my bed. Boy am I glad Mommy will be back tomorrow, but I am also grateful that I've been able to be Mr. Mom for a few days. I say this now because I have a feeling that taking them to church tomorrow will not be as good of an experience--then again, I've been pleasantly surprised three days in a row already. And to ensure that my wife, who can never leave home when she leaves home, can enjoy herself, we left voice messages and sent pictures and texts to let her know that things have not fallen apart with me in charge. We love you, Mommy, and look forward to having you back tomorrow night. Now I'm going to shave--first time in three days.

Mr. Mom: Day Two

It's hard to pretend on a blog that I really experienced being a Mr. Mom when the kids were out with friends all day long. I did get a lot of packing done, however. When the kids came home in the afternoon, all of us were tired, so I caved in with dinner. We had cereal. The kids were insisting and were tired beyond all reason. And I was too tired to put up much resistance despite the fact that I'd already made spaghetti and steaming broccoli. Judging from the amount they ate--which was about 3 times what they eat for breakfast--I think their bodies require something more substantial for dinner. I did make them eat some of the steamed broccoli. They also had orange juice. And two girls had some grilled chicken too. I'm sorry, Honey. I will be more firm about tomorrow's dinner. On a sad note, as I was cleaning up the kitchen and the kids were playing soccer downstairs, my oldest girl wanted to show everyone how well she could kick the ball but everyone kept right on with what they were doing. She finally drooped her head and shoulder and whimpered despondently, "Why won't anyone listen to me?" It was too much. I immediately dropped what I was doing and watched. It cheered her right away. She tugs at my heart strings like nobody else, and she knows it. I think the highlight of my day was a realization I had when talking to my wife on the phone. I told her that it is hard to balance two worlds most of the time because it requires switching in and out of mindsets, one for work and one for home. But being a full-time dad has been a lot of fun. I can focus exclusively on them. I feel a lot closer to them, especially knowing they are exercising a lot of patience with a Mommy impostor. I told my wife that I can see why being a stay-at-home mom is so fulfilling. There is a lot of satisfaction in caring for my kids and spending time together every day, not to mention a lot of satisfaction looking back on the day and realizing you survived. In fact, a couple came to look at our apartment this afternoon with a realtor and they asked what my wife does, I promptly replied, "She is a very busy stay-at-home mom, the most important job there is. Much more important that a lawyer, which is what I am."

Mr. Mom: Day One

My wife is gone for 4 days to spend time with her sisters. I am Mr. Mom. I've never been the full-time, stay-at-home parent for that long. I've been so worried about this all week that I felt worn-out before the 4 days ever started. Today began with the toddler falling off of her bed at 6:30 am. She was fine and went back to bed, but she woke the baby, who decided to stay awake. When the toddler did wake up, she had an accident. While the other two had breakfast downstairs, I cleaned up the puddle and the girl. But the first few hours of the day were deceptively chaotic. The kids were angels the rest of the day. Now I'm worried they were deceptively cooperative. They swam in the morning. We also built a fort and wrestled. During nap time, my son and I built an awesome snake using 300 blocks. When the girls woke up, we all went swimming in the back-yard pool. My wife had me make an easy dinner that they love. Despite starting late because of early baths, we finished with plenty of time for me to clean the kitchen and read the kids almost all the books they could ever want before bed. You can tell when they got all the books they want when they willingly go to bed. And, the highlight of the evening was that I told my kids my goal of not losing my temper while Mommy was gone, and they unanimously voted that I had succeeded in keeping my temper today.

*As a side-note, I am confused by people who downplay stay-at-home parents. Seeing what my wife does every day, I am definitely a proponent and defender of stay-at-home parents. Now experiencing more of what she does every day (no wonder she stays so skinny), I am now their greatest admirer.

End From Beginning

There are days, like today, where a little cloud looms over my head. I couldn't really shake it. It could be that my wife is leaving for four days, during which time I will be Mr. Mom. It could be that it was overcast and rainy for part of the day. It could be that it was a slow day. Or, it could just be that I'm in limbo, between two worlds, nearing the end of my clerkship and packing up to begin my career at a law firm. The latter is probably compounded by the fact that I do not remember much about the area of law I will be practicing at the firm and that I still have an uneasy feeling about billable hours expectations and time with family. If my life were a book, I think I'd be seriously tempted right now to read the last page or at least skip a couple of chapters ahead to see how things turned out. My problem is that I want to know the end from the beginning, that I want to get from A to B as quickly as possible, and that I don't slow down to enjoy the experience of travelling there. I realize that if I am not careful, I'll reach my destination with an armful of achievements and a soul void of character. This realization helps me to step back, examine these more challenging days, and ask, "What can I learn from this? What kind of person can I become through this?" Unfortunately, it takes me until 9:15 pm to start asking these questions.

Blue Lips

Our son is getting older and has demonstrated tremendous maturity and obedience. So, after visiting friends left, we attempted a practice they have at bed time. After they put their kids to bed, they let them read in their beds until they either fall asleep or let them know they are ready to go to sleep. It worked well the first night. But last night was not so great. We heard a lot of movement and noise in our son's room. Apparently he thought he could get out of bed and do whatever he wanted. Eventually he came down to tell us he was ready to go to bed. Because he has a great sense of humor, he wanted to surprise Mommy by sneaking down and hiding in a corner to surprise her. It almost worked. I missed it but thought the idea was funny so I let him explain it to me before he went back up to bed. I fully intended to congratulate him on his cleverness, until I spotted something: blue lips. I asked him about it. He said he'd eaten some candy and tried to excuse himself by saying he'd brushed his teeth again afterwards. I looked at Mommy--the two of us understood what we needed to do. Calmly, she led him back upstairs and explained to him that we can no longer trust him to have his candy in his room. He was heart-broken, more that we were disappointed in him and lost some trust in him than about the candy. We explained that it was good to feel bad. It teaches us when things are wrong, like disobeying parents and trying to hide it from them. Then we told him that if he makes a mistake he doesn't need to hide it from us. If he does, that bad feeling will only get worse. The only way to make that feeling go away is to tell us the truth right away. And we promised that we wouldn't get made if he did. I thought we did a pretty good job of practicing what we were preaching in this instance. We've tried to explain all this before by having the kids wear backpacks and filling them with books until they became too heavy to bear. This is the first outrightly dishonest thing he's ever done. It surprised us. In a way, we are proud of him for lasting this long. We are also grateful that he feels terrible when he's lost our trust. On the other hand, it confirms my suspicion that we are only just beginning the adventure of parenthood and it will only get tougher.

Another Use for Daddy's Arms

Every boy loves to be Spider-Man, but not every boy can shoot spider webs. My son, however, can. When he presses his make-believe button on his wrist, out comes a sticky spider web in the form of Daddy's arm. He points and I stick out my arm for him to grab. Then I swing him across the room. From the look in his eyes I knew that any dad who can help his son be more like the real Spider Man is pretty cool. It made me feel pretty cool.

It's Not So Bad

Today started badly. We slept it. Our daughter had an accident. I got to work late. There were several hiccups at work--kind of an oddity at this point. Then I had to stay late to make up the time. That means I get home late. That means I eat late. And usually, that means that the kids have bath time and bedtime late. My wife had a similarly "off" day. I think that's what helped me decide that it's not all that bad. Although I was tired and had some packing to do, I tried to make the evening about the kids. I was determined not to bark out commands or to get impatient. We had a fun evening, and all of the craziness of the first part of the day disappeared as our kids went to bed with smiles on their faces.

A Constant Whisper

Throughout history and even today, many fathers have relied upon their sons as counselors, assistants, friends, and confidants, including John Adams (a tradition passed through to his descendants), Brigham Young, and others. As I read about these men and see the communication and relationships they had with their sons, I see more than the continual reproof and commands that are so characteristic of tired and busy fathers. I've noticed that they confide in their sons, confer trust in them, express confidence in them, and keep them informed of their lives and their work. I doubt whether all of that began when their sons were four-years old, then again maybe it did. I feel a constant whisper asking me, "What do you want your son to become?" In my mind I answer, "A man of God, a friend, and a counselor. Then it asks, "Is that how you are raising him?" In my mind I answer, "That is a good question. I don't know." There are many days where we do take time to talk, where I listen, or to play or experience things together. There are also moments when I do confide in him and confer trust in him and express confidence in him. Then I cringe as memories of impatient demands and sharp commands and reproofs, most of which were undeserved and stemmed from selfishness, comes to mind. Moments like those, I feel, sabotage my ultimate goal. Those are the kinds of moments that break down rather than build confidence. I am grateful they are not too frequent. My wife would say I'm too hard on my self. That's probably true. One thing I am certain of, however, is that the key ingredient to enjoying that kind of relationship with my son in the future is to treat our relationship now as I envision it to be then, even with a four-year old.

What We Signed Up For

A co-worker is scared to death of having children. Interestingly, she would be a fish out of water if her life were free of chaos-I tell her that her life seems like her desk. Yet, she is scared of the labor-intensive eternal investment called parenting. And it is labor intensive. With friends in town, we took the train to a museum, fought through the crowds, and made it out safely with tired kids. Two kids fit in the double stroller, but another tripped and fell. So, I carried him on my back while pushing the double stroller as we walked a significant distance to a train stop-my friends had their hands full too. My co-worker crossed my mind a couple of times. Then we all went out to dinner. My son turned to me and asked, "Why are parents so bossy sometimes?" I said, "I don't know. I guess we forget that you don't understand that we have a schedule to keep sometimes." Then I asked, "Why do kids ask so many questions?" He responded, "I don't know. I think we're just curious." Thus, the labor is both physical and mental, and of course emotional. Is there an adequate way to describe it to my co-worker? It would probably scare her more. I did tell her, however, that we choose our investments. And we typically labor diligently to make them grow. A career is wonderful, social position is good, but to me a family is the best investment of all, the only one that is eternal, and worth every ounce of labor we put into it. I don't know if as much could be said of the other investments out there.

What Was Lost?

During our year here we've been knee deep in our nation's history. I had the opportunity today to visit the Capitol. I saw statuary hall, the rotunda, and the old Supreme Court room. I couldn't help but think about the heritage upon which this country was built. It was everywhere around me: faith in God, peaceful debate and transfers of power, representation in government, embracing diversity as a strength. Then I witnessed a House of Representatives debate between Rep. Eric Cantor (R. VA) and Rep. Steny Hoyer (D. MD) about the budget. It was a demonstration of constitutional principles to be sure, but its subject matter reflected the sad fact that much of our nation's heritage has been lost. Why are we in the situation we are in? This blog is not the place for the answer to that question. However, I couldn't help thinking about the world I'm growing up in and the world my children are growing up in. I wonder if I am teaching my children the kind of hard work, sacrifice, and integrity that my parents showed me and which has been my family's legacy. I also wonder if I am able to teach them to be patriotic and to understand the inspired legacy of this country. I think our year here has convinced me that regardless of what schools teach or fail to teach, I need to ensure that my children know that this country began and continues under the hand of God and to patriotically preserve this country's heritage.

"I Wanna Be Stinky Too!"

Sometimes I wonder if I'm a good enough dad that my kids look up to me or want to be like me. Especially now that I'm prone to being less fun and more stressed while thinking about the upcoming move. The answer came unexpectedly as we were getting ready for bed. The bedtime routine begins with a song, a scripture, and a family prayer, then we get the kids to bed individually. As we were sitting down to begin my daughter sat by my wife and my son sat by me (our baby girl just wandered around). My wife decided to tease the boys and said, "Those boys are stinky." My daughter replied, "Ha! The boys are stinky. I wanna be stinky too!" Then she ran over here to sit with me. I must be cool if I am stinky and my daughter still wants to be like me.

Distant Move

My wife told me this evening that I seemed a little distant. I don't think I was as engaged with the kids as I normally would be. It has been about a week since we've done any packing for the move coming up in a month, and I looked around at all that we still had to do. I think I clicked into "duty mode," which is a mode that men tend to get into when they get stressed. Their minds are consumed by one thought: "I need to accomplish something." So strong is that impulse that nothing else seems to matter--playing with the kids, or even disciplining the kids. Oddly, although I was less connected, I wasn't as strict. I think it was because I either didn't notice or I didn't have the mental capacity to deal with it. Thankfully, I held it together until the kids were in bed, then made sure to progress to a satisfying point in the packing. I guess it's true that men only have the emotional capacity of a tea spoon (Harry Potter reference).

Dinner Feeding

This post is not about feeding the kids food at dinner but about them feeding off of each other at dinner. Our son wiggled off his high chair and hit his head pretty hard. Despite the fact that was crying, our daughter thought it was funny and tried to do it too. Our son stopped crying and was about to try it again, but we were finally able to talk some sense into them.

Independence Day

How do you explain the significance of the 4th of July to children under four-years old? I feel strongly that our nation's independence is based on our first Constitutional right: freedom of religion. They understand from Medieval Times what a king is, so I told them that all countries had a king, but none of the kings would allow people to worship God the way they felt was right. So they came to this country and became free. With Mt. Vernon fresh in their minds, I was also able to tell them about the men, including Washington, who established this country. In addition, we wore red, white, and blue, watched fireworks, called today "America's birthday," and looked for American flags all day. I imagine that is about as good as it gets at this age. To be honest, I was a little disappointed with the low number of American flags flying, and I hope our children will grow up to be very patriotic.

Mosquitophobes and Fireworks

Talk about a kill-joy. We are in muggy Baltimore for the 4th of July and planned to see a fireworks show tonight. In the back of my mind I was concerned about getting eaten up by mosquitoes. Nobody hates them more than me. That always surprises me. Am I the only one that thinks that having my blood involuntarily sucked out and dealing with an itchy bump that was left behind invasive? To make matter worse, it rained a little, making tonight the perfect evening for mosquitoes to come out and feast on us while we try to enjoy the fireworks show. My kids were looking forward to the fireworks, but I was tempted to stay home or in the car. Of course, I told my wife about this outside earshot of the kids so that they wouldn't know what a wimp I am. Ultimately, I armed myself with bug spray (and applied it generously to myself and the kids) and took the kids. I'm glad I did. The show was great. The view was great. Sharing that fun experience with the kids and watching their awe-struck faces was great. And the mosquitoes, well, they didn't even show up.

Why Dad Gets Grumpy? Hypothesis, etc.

Now, I'm not a grumpy person, but I do get grumpy sometimes. The reason I usually give my wife is, "I don't know." But that answer was always very unsatisfying to both of us. She wanted to know, and I'm sure my kids did too, but I usually just wanted to be alone and grumpy for a while, until now. So, I thought about it, and we talked about it. It turns out that talking about things helps. Eventually I came to the conclusion that a man needs a sense of accomplishment, meaning he is challenged at work and providing for his family at home. I don't feel that sense right now, mainly because I have not yet provided my family with a place to live when move at the close of the term. We are still looking. We feel unsettled. Work is also slowing down a little now that all of the oral arguments, except for one interlocutory appeal, are through and almost all of the opinions are out. We're in limbo, which has never been a happy place for us, and it has never been helpful to my need to feel as though I am accomplishing something. It's a little refreshing to pin-point this mood swing I get. Hopefully it will lengthen the fuse during those otherwise grumpy moments.

I couldn't close the post without mentioning a few other things:

First, few things make a dad feel cooler than when his four-year old son states, "Dad, I have a hypothesis." In this case, what he really had was a question, but I thought it was amazing either way.

Second, this same son figured out a why to get a toy back from his baby sister, who continually takes the other kids' toys and has enough attitude to fight them off when they try to get it back. When this happened in the car today, he gave her a snack for each hand, causing her to drop the toy. Brilliant!

Third, while I was a grump this evening, our little girl asked her mom to read her a book. They wanted to ask me if they could read together without any other kids--since there are three kids, two of whom are girls, our little girl never gets to read with one of us alone--but when they wanted to bring up the idea to me I was busy with something and was too grumpy to listen to the idea. I still feel bad.

Fourth, my son remembers everything. We read a knight book. We only have one. But he remembered three other books from our very large collection of children's books that had one or two pictures of knights in the whole book. Each books has tons of pictures. It is still a mystery where he got that kind of memory.

Fifth, my little girl put me in my place today. Her big brother was tired of walking around Mt. Vernon and took over the stroller. Our little girl wanted to push the stroller with him in it on a dirt path. Impossible. Or so I thought. I continued helping her push the stroller despite her protests, but it was no use. She was persistent. So I tried to teach her a lesson by letting her push the stroller. At first she couldn't budge it. But she wasn't about to let Daddy win this one. This little determined two-year old somehow did it. She pushed it for about 10 feet, just long enough to put me in my place.

Sixth, I felt a strange sense of accomplishment when, after sticking out my tongue several times and saying, "tongue," my baby girl stuck her tongue out in response. The little things seem to have the greatest impact on me. The things my kids do always make me feel so fulfilled and happy, especially when the same baby girl woke up from her nap and, using her new skill of sticking out her tongue, licked her Mommy's cheek like a little puppy.

Cute Disobedience

This is a problem. My baby girl stands right up in her crib when I lay her down for bed. Usually she cries too. I was able to resolve the crying issue by patting on the mattress and encouraging her to lay down. At first she would cry and try to get me to pick her up, then she realized I wouldn't do it and would lay down. Now she won't lay down. Instead, when I pat the mattress and encourage her to lay down, she backs up to the furthest side of the crib, puts her arms down behind her, and grips the bars for dear life. Then she vigorously shakes her head "no," and says "na uh." Just watching my tiny, two-foot tall baby girl so determined to resist me undermines my ability to be strict because it's just too cute. Even her roommate older sister thinks it's hilarious. We were both cracking-up at bedtime.

Daddy's Night Out With Friends

June 30, 2011--I can't remember the last time I went out by myself with friends. I guess I would do it more, but it's just not as much fun and being home with my wife and kids. There was an alumni event in the city that we could not both attend. I went with two other recent graduates from the law school who work in DC and with whom I frequently have lunch. I'd forgotten a lot about how to hang out with friends. My usual topic of conversation is my family. My family are my adventures and anecdotes. And that is not a topic with which many other young professionals connect. There are precious few at my age who really desire to have a family in the short term. Over the course of this year I've become much closer friends with these two former classmates, so they at least enjoyed discussing our personal lives. However, with most other young professionals I am able to connect based on solely on our careers, which also provides some interesting anecdotes but is never as exciting to me as my children's accomplishments and milestones or just the craziness that goes on at home. When the reception was over, the three of us went out to dinner and just talked for a while about life. Another thing I've forgotten about hanging out with friends is that I can't stay out as late as I used to when I was single. The importance is not only letting my family know when I'll be home, but also avoiding unnecessary expenses on a tighter budget. The train was still running, but the buses were not. So, after taking the train to my stop, I took a cab home. There was a book I wanted to buy, but in penance I decided that since I was irresponsible getting back home I would forfeit the book for now. Bummer. I am grateful that my wonderful wife, who is loaded up with so many concerns, not the least of which is her upcoming trip to our new home to find a rental, was so willing to let me take my time with my friends. She always would in any case, if I wanted to go out more often that is.