Irresolute About Resolutions

With three kids, there is an excuse for everything.  Can't work out because we're too tired--kids are not sleeping at night because of teething, bad dreams, colds, or most recently split thumbs from sucking too much--or don't have the money to join a gym.  Can't eat healthy because it costs too much, takes too long to prepare, no time to plan.  Can't train for a marathon because of my work schedule and our neighborhood is not safe to run alone (for my wife).

So, with no time or energy, what should my New Year's resolution be?  I think that I think on too broad and general a scale.  If I am going to make a keep goals, they need to be like rungs on a ladder leading to an ultimate goal.  With three kids and my job, I'll just have to keep the rungs close together.  I can't work out an hour each morning, but I bet I can do 30 minutes or at least 30 of something, etc.  My wife and I have been talking about this for a while, and almost all day today.  We decided after a while to focus on just January, just one thing a week, with a reward at the end.  We'll see if we can be among the few, the proud, the keepers of New Year's resolutions.

*As I side note, one recent goal that is a high priority in my life is posting daily to this blog for at least the first year of my career. So far I have kept that goal for almost five months--128 days. My hope is that this will help me establish a habit of introspection about fulfilling my role as a father above that of an attorney.  This is not a New Year's resolution, if measured by the calendar, but it is a new year's resolution when measured by my start date as an attorney.

Mile Stones and Tribute to the Middle Child

Some mile stones today:

Our baby girl is now climbing stairs. Now we need to really keep our eyes peeled, and put the gate back up.

Our little girl is counting numbers and singing the alphabet a little bit on her own now.  It actually sent some chills down my spine.  Can she be this old already?  As our middle child, she's often overlooked.  So, I try to maximize the alone time I have with her at night reading books, wrestling, and laughing about nothing.  I catch myself staring at her while we are looking at books and thinking to myself, "She is gorgeous" or "she is so smart."  I've felt a special closeness to her for a couple of reasons.  When she was a baby I stayed in the hospital with her for a few days while she was getting treated for RSV.  The hospital was a short walk from the law school, so I would go to class and come back to be with her.  It was rough at first because she had no veins that were giving enough blood.  The nurses poked and poked and finally succeeded in getting blood and an IV in her head.  We had to hold her down as she screamed.  Later, she had to have a spinal tap.  I was alone with her holding her still.  Even after these experiences and many other pokes and prods, once she calmed down she smiled at the very people who poked and prodded her.  She was smiling all of the time, incredibly patient and loving.  There was nothing more heartbreaking than watching her go through all of that.  As she grew older, she developed an insatiable curiosity and an unbreakable stubborn spunkiness, even to the point of engaging in surprise wrestling attacks on me and my son, which we love.  As my wife is the same way, her personality immediately endeared her to me even more.  She is also very clever, with instincts that almost always get her what she wants, at least with me.  She also has a knack for teasing.  She always sneaks around, runs away, puts things on her brother's head (like books while he is trying to say his prayer at night), etc.  Finally, she is tender and loving.  From the start, she has always been sensitive of others' needs and naturally nurturing and caring, helping with chores, snuggling with us, taking care of her five baby dolls, trying to make the baby laugh, etc.

Here! & Grumpy Dad

Perhaps it is the way I eat dinner (or the shear amount I eat), but lately my kids have been handing me food they do not want expecting me to do something with it.  What they want me to do, I am not sure. I doubt they even care.  But I care.  I care that my daughter thinks she can hand me a chewed-up fruit snack that didn't taste the way she was hoping or that my son will hand me a piece of apple skin that was hanging off of one of the slices he was snacking on.  My son also tried handing me chewed-up gum that has lost its flavor.  I've obviously been too accommodating because all they say when they try to hand me these goodies is "here!"  Not so fast!  I don't want them and they know where to put them.  I could tell my kids were a little taken aback when that is how I responded throughout the afternoon.  But, there isn't much else as fulfilling as watching your kids throw their own trash away.

Bedtime routine is almost always difficult, especially because our oldest gets distracted so easily when we need him to change into his PJs.  I've never seen anyone take so long.  He's either talking or trying to squeeze in some last-minute discoveries before its lights-out.  Usually, not alway, but usually, I'm pretty impatient about it and tend to pester him a little with questions I know he can't answer like, "Why aren't you getting dressed yet?"  It shouldn't be such an ordeal.  In fact, I can think of several ways we can make bedtime more fun.  The problem is that I am tired by then, not merely from work, but also from wrestling and playing with the kids.  In addition, I always have my hopes set on ticking off items on my to-do list or just having time to relax before it gets too late at night.  Most importantly, I want to spend some time with my wife, talking about our day our just goofing off.  Time to do those things at night is scarce and precious.  The pestering, however, is hard for the kids to understand and, I've concluded, is ineffective anyway.  I'm proud of my son who stopped me during my pestering to ask, "Daddy, why are you acting so grumpy with me today?"  After some thought, I realized he had asked a question I couldn't answer either.  So I sat on the bed, held out my arms, and gave him a hug.  I confessed, "You're right.  I'm being a grump, and I don't have a good reason.  I'm sorry."  Looking back, he was probably getting fed up with it.  I kept telling him at the beginning of dinner to stop whining and repeatedly asking for Mom to get his chicken ready--when he's hungry, he gets pretty impatient.  Then throughout dinner I nagged at him to eat over his plate because he was spilling rice--it's something I nag about on a daily basis.  Even so, I was impressed that he calmly confronted me, and even stumped me.  I bet I'd be less grumpy if I did a better job at choosing my battles.

Mad Scientist

Our son got a science kit from his grandmother for Christmas. We performed some experiments today, including some involving volcanic eruptions. My son couldn't get enough of it. He would mix things on his own to try and make more eruptions. When I was ready to put things away, he begged me to do more experiments. On the one hand, I was starting to get worried that he had latent mad scientist tendencies. That remains to be seen. On the other hand, the thought that he could be a mad scientist actually made me proud--to be a mad scientist, he must be brilliant!

Man of the House

Today was going to be a long day at work. I left before the kids were up and came home right before they went to bed. I always feel bad leaving my wife for an entire day because there is so much to do with three kids. But on days like these, my four-year old son becomes the man of the house. He takes seriously the responsibility to take care of his mommy when I am away for the day. He seems to intuitively sense when his mommy will have a difficult day ahead of her and usually rises to the occasion. How grateful I was to come home late tonight to discover yet again that he was on his best behavior for his mommy (except for the first part of their trip to the grocery store). I always try to make sure he knows. It was especially helpful today because it is the dreaded Monday after Christmas and we were, at best, lethargic.

Neverending Story

We're now certain that regardless of whether we travel or stay put for the holiday, regardless of whether we gorge on sugary treats or eat healthy, and regardless of whether we stay up or go to bed early, we are at a stage of life where our kids will continue to get sick then get sick again as long as the weather is cold outside.  This time it was our son's turn to go to urgent care.  He is so stuffy that he has a red mustache of raw skin under his nose and is miserable when trying to sleep at night.  Our daughters also have colds, which means extra fussiness. No matter how often it happens, it's always heart-wrenching.  The benefit, however, is that they are often snugglier.  I did cheer up my son a little by putting on the karate outfit he made me to surprise him when he got home from the doctor's office.  It seems that no matter how horrible he feels, he can't resist a good fight with Daddy.  Either way, we should plan on being sick until the end of winter.  Then we'll progress to allergies in the spring.

My Favorite Gifts

My favorite gifts are my karate outfit and my Nerf sword.  My wife and eldest son found a white, long-sleeve workout shirt in my room, and my son wanted to turn it into a karate outfit like his.  So, together they cut a v-neck and down the center of the chest.  Then they velcro-ed the chest and cut another piece of fabric for my belt.  Finally, they found a pair of old white scrub pants to complete my outfit.  My wife is the one who put the sword in my stocking.  I've been telling my wife that we all need swords for Christmas.  Sword-fighting with the kids ironically brings us closer.  So, I'm excited to surprise my son soon by coming down the stairs dressed in my home-made karate outfit and start a sword fight.

On Christmas Eve we opened our PJs present.  I could tell my son was sad when I opened the PJs my wife and I had planned out and not the karate outfit.  Our son loudly whispered to his mother, "What about the karate PJs?"  Apparently he was hoping I would open the karate outfit.  We felt so badly that we opened the karate PJs right after that.  I thought it was so funny, clever, and thoughtful, even though it meant cutting one of my nice shirts.

There was actually another gift that meant a great deal to me today.  My son and I took some gifts to the pediatric inpatient floor of a nearby hospital.  After got in the car, I asked my son how he felt.  He was tired and pretty sick, but he responded, "Very happy."  He has felt the happiness that thinking of others at Christmas brings.

Silent Night; Not a Fight

There is nothing like being a parent of a four-year old, a two-year old, and a baby on Christmas Eve. We try to keep it pretty low key, so our traditions are pretty simple. But they involve a great deal of patience with messes and getting off schedule. On a typical day, my patience level is not very high and the kids do their fair share of ignoring us, which often leads to a bit of arguing. Growing up in a large family of red personalities, Christmas Eve usually included an argument of some kind, though we'd always make up and have a wonderful evening. Today, however, our kids were angelic. I couldn't get enough of them. We followed our traditional Christmas Eve schedule:

-Went out for a breakfast of bagels, donuts, or hot chocolate. This morning we went to Einstein's.

-Talked to family by video chat.

-Watched Christmas movies--the old animated Rudolf.

-Made Santa's cookies.

-Took treats to neighbors.

-Made personal pizzas for dinner.

-Acted out the nativity scene while reading Luke 2.

-Set out carrots for Santa's reindeer, including Rudolf and Chet.

-Opened a present--always a pair of PJs and a book. Our son was Toothless, the night fury, with a "How to Train Your Dragon" book. Our daughter got moon PJs and a moon book called, "Papa, Please Get the Moon for Me." Our baby got flower PJs and a ladybug book with a glove of ladybug finger puppets.

-Get into PJs and read the books on our bed.

-Set out hot chocolate and cookies for Santa.

A little anecdote about Christmas traditions. My wife said today that we should start a new tradition of making snowball cookies since this might be the last time we have Christmas in a state with snow. As you can tell from the list above, our current traditions already make for a pretty full day. So, I suggested that we stick with the traditions we have for now and put that one on the list for next year. I remember watching one of my in-laws' old family movies of a Christmas when my wife and her siblings were very little. One of my wife's siblings opened a present on the video and commented, "Too many presents!" I couldn't believe my ears. But traditions are the same way, they are fun at first but can quickly become cumbersome. Thankfully, we still have some room. Today, we filled it with a nice walk/hike with my son in the woods behind our townhome complex and watching a Santa movie with the kids before bed.

Some of the setbacks included forgetting pizza sauce. In the DC area on Christmas Eve it takes an hour to go to the local grocery store to pick up one thing because the traffic and the store lines are so congested. I went anyway. We were also so tired from late nights of preparation that I was falling asleep and didn't have much energy to wrestle with the kids. We decided to sword fight for most of the day instead. Still took a lot of energy, but it was a fun change in the routine. Acting out the nativity went well. We made it through Luke 2 very well, but nobody really acted out their parts. Our baby took off her costume, crawled away, and played with toys, while our two oldest just played with the baby doll in the "manger." Of course, some of the best things, apart from the sword fights, included how snuggly the kids were today. They were tired and snuggly at the restaurant for breakfast, and very snuggly while watching the movie tonight. Our daughter, who is just becoming conversational, was telling us that everyone needs popcorn and that she wants Santa pancakes for breakfast tomorrow. She also told everyone, "I love Daddy" as she snuggled up to me.

My favorite part came after acting out the nativity scene, when we took turns sharing our feelings about the Savior. To our surprise, our 4-yr old said, "I know that Jesus is our big brother and keeps us safe where we belong." He also listened intently to what we had to say. Our 2-yr old also mumbled something. What a sweetheart.

My wife and I put our kids to bed--they were excited to go to bed because Santa won't come unless they are asleep--and began cleaning and laughing about how great our day had been. Now it's off to help Santa get everything ready for tomorrow. I hope our kids don't get up at 4 am, like I used too.

Pre-Christmas Memories

The ransacked shelves at Target and the stressed and frustrated faces of fellow shoppers are just some of the reasons we've decided to trim our Christmas in addition to our Christmas tree.  I feel bad that those people are missing not only the meaning but also the fun of Christmas.  Our simple preparations have helped me enjoy experiences over the past several days that I may not have had or fully appreciated otherwise:

--My son getting mad at me for trying to peek in on him in his room because he was wrapping a surprise for me for Christmas.  He said, "If you try to come in again, I'm going to yell out loud!"  My wife told me he was so excited that he kept asking, "Can't Daddy just open it today!"

--Getting my 2-year old daughter up from her nap--she didn't sleep at all--and seeing her naked and holding out her diaper and saying "Look!"  I probably wouldn't have thought it was so funny had there been "surprises" in her bed as well.  We attempted to begin potty training but we got so busy that our daughter ended up wetting the couch.  Lesson learned--never try potty training during a holiday.

--My baby girl crawling over to the Christmas tree to pull off and suck on the bell ornaments on the lowest branch.

--Building a cardboard fireplace with the older kids.

--Falling asleep reading to my baby girl then waking up briefly to see that she had fallen asleep too.

--My kids' absolute love for Christmas lights.  They are all over the inside of our house, and our kids constantly turn off the regular house lights while we are cooking, cleaning, reading, or doing anything else that requires light, just so they can see the Christmas lights better.

--My son repeatedly requesting ice cream at dinner last night.  We had several reasons for saying "no," including his general disobedience today, his failure to eat all of his dinner, and his generous consumption of sugary treats provided at his preschool today.  Finally he told us that it wasn't because he wanted a treat, but so that he can be fat enough to dress up as Santa on Christmas.  

--Hearing my daughter over the baby monitor last night saying in her sleep, "I want cookie, Mommy."

--Joking with my wife about how happy she is when she cleans for Christmas.  She sings Christmas songs and literally dances around the house hugging and kissing everyone.  She reminds me of "Elf" sometimes.  She joked back that it's only because I'm not complaining about the fact that she isn't doting on me all day long, which is usually what I do on Saturdays.  You know the saying, "When momma ain't happy ain't nobody happy.  When daddy ain't happy nobody cares"--I may have made up the second part.  My wife joked that it should be, "When daddy ain't happy, momma ain't happy.  When momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." Her point was well taken.  Now I have to figure out some way other than complaining to try and get her to dote on me all day long on days off of work.

--Seeing my two oldest wearing elf hats while my wife read them bedtime stories.

--Wrapping our traditional Christmas Eve present while watching a Christmas movie with my wife.

Back in the Booster

I came home from work to learn that my son has outgrown the need to listen to his parents.  Yes, it's true.  He demonstrated this several times by doing exactly what his mother asked him not to do only one second before, all while keeping eye contact with her.  Well, it came to a head at dinner time, when he wiggled so much in his chair--another thing we ask him not to do--that the chair fell over.  That was it.  We'd threatened him many times with going back in the booster seat if he couldn't sit still.  Tonight, we finally followed through on it.  He was vehemently opposed to it, resulting in some time to think about it in his room.  He had been given the choice to either do as we say or go to his room.  He said, "That is not a choice!"  We said, "That is the choice you earned."  Eventually, he submitted, with the understanding that doing so would earn him his big boy chair back tomorrow.  Tonight felt like a children's version of "Taming of the Shrew."

This may be one of the many challenges of having a four-year old.  Recognizing he is not the only one at fault, we both tucked him in tonight--without books, because he lost that privilege too--and we apologized to him and he apologized to us.  Then we promised each other that we would try harder to be patient and not loose our temper tomorrow, and he promised he would try harder to listen and obey (with some prompting, of course).  He is a good boy.  We're not worried.  But today was definitely a tough one with him.

Rice with Dinner

There are nights when I feel like we're just a family of monkeys.  We have a nature video that depicts a family of monkeys picking bugs from each others hair.  That's what I felt like tonight picking pieces of rice from my daughter's clothing.

Our Little Present(s)

Our family has a family night once a week where we do constructive activities together.  Tonight's was a Christmas activity.  With three kids under the age of four we have to keep it short.  But no matter how short we try to make it we always seem to lose our busy little toddler.  Sometimes it gets a little frustrating, especially when she ignores me when I try to call her back.  So, I had to get up and chase after her.  Before I could reach her she turned around and had stuck Christmas bows all over her tummy.  It's hard to stay frustrated when she does stuff like that.

I should also mention that our son planned a game for us to play based on the story of the brother of Jared.  He had us all get on the couch.  He explained that it was a boat that was dark and that we couldn't use fire.  Then he  brought aboard our stuffed caterpillar and said it was a stone that lights up because the Lord touched it with His finger.  He embellished a little bit as well by pretending his yo-yo was an anchor, but I was incredibly impressed and proud.

I don't want to leave our baby girl out of this post.  She no longer wants us to sing her to sleep.  Once the lights are out she cries and wiggles until I lay her down and leave her alone.  Although I miss some extra snuggling and even though she wakes up a half hour later, I'm grateful she makes the initial bedtime much easier on us.

Lack-of-Sleep Training

Our baby is probably the toughest baby we've had to sleep train. She goes to bed just fine. The problem is she wakes up an hour later screaming like someone is pulling her little hairs out one by one. We think part of it is that she is teething, which probably creates a similar sensation. Either way, it is heartbreaking hearing her cry herself to sleep again. One of the side effects is that until she does, there are four others in the house who can't sleep either. We just hope, since it worked for the first two, that our baby will catch on soon.

You're Not Fat

There have been many moments where I have felt a great deal of pride in my son. But today may have topped the list.  While carrying my son out to the car, my wife jokingly commented, "Carrying you around is good exercise for me, since I'm so fat."  My son quickly replied, "Mom, you're not fat!"  I'm glad I've set a good example in at least one area.

The Wrong Language

While driving home as a family from my work Christmas party my daughter dropped her water bottle and began to cry.  I wisely reminded her that we couldn't get up and get it for her while we were driving.  She cried harder.  Then my wife cut in and said, "Oh! What happened, honey? It's okay. We'll get it for you as soon as we get home." Then our daughter stopped crying.  How did that happen? My wife explained, "Even if you can't help her, you've got to make it seem like your going to." Brilliant!  I wish I spoke Mom sometimes.

When Does My Opinion Matter?

I've often joked at home that I don't exist at home other than as a toy.  They flock to me when it's time to wrestle, but they don't pay much attention when I ask them to do something.  In contrast, at work the judge and I felt differently about a point of law and I was able to persuade him to my view.  How is it that a judge can care so much about what I have to say, and pay me for it, while my kids could care less about what I have to say at home free of charge?  My wonderful wife jokingly drove the point home tonight at dinner when she said, "It's a good thing that your opinion matters at work because it doesn't matter at home."

Sweeping

As I was sweeping the dining room tonight there were a few crumbs that weren't budging.  So I brushed harder and harder, almost to the point of scrubbing, and they either become fixed to that spot or fly off in a different direction than I wanted.  Finally, I just brushed them lightly and for some reason they responded to the broom.  I've noticed days where my kids are like those crumbs, and sometimes they won't budge when I ask them to do something.  And when I push harder, they literally fix themselves to that spot arching their backs or dead-weighting.  Or they bolt.  Although it's hard to do sometimes when I get home from work, when I provide gentle guidance they respond.  An example that shouldn't have taken me so long to figure out is having our four-year old clean his room before bed.  He is a very clean little boy, but he gets out his books, games, and toys during "quiet time" (which is our non-napping son's version of nap time), and we usually don't have him clean it up when it's over.  I forget that for a four-year old the task seems daunting.  I know how hard it is to get started on a big task, so I eventually offered to help him get started instead of employing my usual exasperated approaches of, "Hurry! We're running out of time" or "Come on!" or "Hurry!"  It worked.  I was able to "sweep" him into cleaning his room.

The Adults Are Talking

I've been the third wheel before with people my own age.  I bet it's not much fun being a kid when the parents have friends around.  We had a friend over tonight, so I tried to include our kids more in the conversation.  It taught me a few things.  First, it takes a little longer for a child to articulate thoughts than it does for adults.  They are still learning the language so they take great care to construct their thoughts.  Second, adults have a hard time waiting for them to finish.  We often finish their sentences for them.  Or, we are thinking of what to say next while they are still talking.  Sadly, because we also have a better grasp of the language, we are also much less careful with what we say.  Third, if you give them the time they need to say what they need to say, they can hold their own pretty well in conversation with adults.  They grow confident as we take the time to listen because they can see that what they have to say is important to us.  But our natural impatience often yields the opposite result.

Worth The Price

To get your family out the door parents truly pay a price.  And doing it in winter weather is downright painful, especially when nobody wants to cooperate and everyone is crying.  I didn't cry, but I probably would have had it lasted a few more minutes.  To add to the stress of it all, we knew that we were taking our kids out into the cold night, that they could get sick again, and that they would get to bed really late.  It was a painful experience, and I had doubts that our plans for the evening were worth the price.  My doubts were quickly laid to rest as we reached the LDS Temple Visitor's Center and saw the beautiful array of Christmas lights on all of the trees around the temple, then sat in the auditorium and enjoyed a concert by a children's violin ensemble.  The combination of the festive music and watching our kids' expressions of wonder was priceless.  They also loved looking at the international nativity scene exhibit and the large nativity scene out by the lights.  Although they got to bed late, by the time we got home, the stress of getting out the door had completely subsided.  I'm glad we didn't give up and stay home.

Sunday Night Blues

When you care so little about cleaning up at night, other than getting it over with, that you literally try to put a square puzzle piece into the circle puzzle ball hole because your too lazy to rotate it and you want to win at least once today, you know you've got a bad case of the Sunday Night Blues.  In my experience, it can be triggered by many things.  For example, I broke my promise to my son that I would go the whole day today without losing my temper when my daughter looked me straight in the eyes and dumped her rice all over the floor only one nanosecond after asking her to stop playing with it.  Then came bath time, where children cannot stop splashing no matter how much you ask them.  I thoroughly enjoyed bedtime, however, reading to the kids and talking about the day.  They were especially cute tonight, telling us stories or getting dolls ready for bed.  I was almost cured until I came back downstairs to see that our dining room floor was one big rice patty.  I knew it would take almost an hour to clean-up the kitchen, dining room, and main floor, then another to plan with my wife for the week.  It will be another late night of all work and no play going into Monday.  Is there a way out?  I'm not sure.  If I enjoy my job as much as I do and it still doesn't help, it's got to be tough for those fathers who don't enjoy their jobs.  I understand this is all necessary.  Perhaps the answer is putting the kids to bed at 6 pm on Sunday nights, instead of 7:30 pm.  They may wake up a little early on Monday morning, but I'll have already escaped to work by then.  Even if I'm home, mornings are much easier than nights.

Fish Named Lawyer

What greater honor can be bestowed upon a father than to have my son name his fish after me? When his mother asked why he named the fish Lawyer he grinned and replied, "Because he's like daddy."  I hope that reflects positively on me as a father and a lawyer, but I'm not sure. The fish is called a Fancy Guppy.

Listening Skills

This morning my wife instructed me on how to make cream of wheat for our kids. Miraculously, they love it. They call it porridge, like the three little bears.  I followed the instructions, but it came out lumpy.  My wife called me on the phone while I was on the train to tell me about her conversation with our son about his porridge:

Mommy: "How's your porridge?"

Son: "I think you did it wrong."

Mommy: "Actually Daddy did it.  I told him how."

Son: "Daddy isn't a very good listener."

Then tonight, while singing to my toddler, I heard some creaking from the baby's crib and she was crying.  I turned to see what it was and she was standing up holding on to the sidebar which was down at her knee level.  She could have fallen off the crib.  Two thoughts ran through my mind: "When did she learn to do that?" and "I waited too long to listen to my wife again. She's been asking me to adjust the crib for two days now."

I need to keep these things in mind when I think my kids need to develop better listening skills.

Wait for It

Have you ever felt like the explanations your children give you during the nightly show-and-tell are too long? Have you ever found yourself walking onto other things while your children continue telling them about your day? I've been doing this blog for over 100 days now, and I just realized that I do that to my kids. My wife helped them make snowman-shaped loaves of bread today.  When I got home, my son showed me and began explaining every raisin on its face and tummy. Needless to say, I was tired because I'd worked late, and it was time to get the kids to bed. So, as he was describing his snowman to me I was slowly inching further into the house to do other things. When it finally hit me, I stopped to listen until the very end. He was so proud of it and anxious to explain it to me. I hope that as I listened he could tell that I was proud and excited too. This happens often now, as he is four and into asking lots of questions and providing in-depth explanations. Even when reading to him at night, I have to resist the temptation to rush now that it takes much longer due to answering so many questions. But I can see why people call children at this age sponges. They have an insatiable curiosity and a boundless imagination. Its really a lot of fun as long as I am willing to wait a few more minutes to get to my agenda.

Scripture Study and Nitpicking

Family scripture study is a mixed experience for us. For example, today our son practiced karate moves and our daughter wandered around the family room while I read two verses. Then I asked, "So, what can we do receive blessings from Heavenly Father?" To my surprise, our son promptly answered, while still doing karate moves, "Well, we can't say 'butt,' and we can't punch (with the action) or kick (again with the action) or bite. That's how we keep the commandments. That's what I learned in church." This was one of our better family scripture studies.

Before our son went to bed I made sure to tell him how lucky I am to be his dad. He is truly an exceptional little boy, as is apparent from the story above. I wanted to make sure to tell him because I have a tendency to nitpick. I don't know why, but I always feel like I should correct him when he can improve on anything. Often I don't really need to, and sometimes I should just choose not to and save whatever attention span he has for my lectures (which is next to zero, so normal) until it's important. Some battles I could do without for now, including getting him to stop wiggling in his seat at dinner. Today I told him it's his choice but he has to clean what he drops--and he did!  As much as I wish he would hang on every word I say, it's not going to happen.

"Yes, after . . ."

"Yes, after." When we first began to use this parenting tactic we figured it would ease tension by showing the kids that we do say "yes" sometimes while gradually helping our kids develop a characteristic all parents pray they will master, and soon--patience.  Nobody told us they won't understand this concept.  Try as we may to encourage their creativity and passions while still tending to the administration of our household, our children understand the phrase, "Yes, after . . ." as "no" or "never."  Will my kids ever understand what this means? I hope the answer isn't, "Yes, after they become parents themselves."

Wrestle-less

A somewhat troubling tendency has manifest itself in our children. Every night they go deaf, then go crazy when we try to get them to cooperate for dinner and bedtime. My wife, ever my teacher in the area of reality, again opened my eyes to a simple truth. To our kids, the evening is a time of excitement and anticipation because they are looking forward to having me come home and play with them. I always thought I was doing well by giving them kisses and hugs first thing when I walked in the door. Then my wife reminded me that we typically go straight into setting the table and having dinner, followed by bedtime prep. The evening may pass without any wrestling at all, if not just before bed. And by the time we sit down for dinner, all of the unfulfilled anticipation and excitement that begins building up as it nears time for me to come home becomes too much for them to contain and they transform into miniature hulks that growl and destroy. My wife and I decided to adjust the dinner schedule or preparation to ensure that when I get home I can wrestle first.

Oh What Fun It Is To Strew!

One of the things I enjoy about the holiday season is setting up the Christmas tree and other decorations while listening to Christmas music. My wife is like Elf, spilling with child-like excitement, and the children are equally giddy and mesmerized by all of the lights and shiny objects. During the decorating process I noticed a Scrooge-ish feeling welling up inside, because as we were unpacking the Christmas decorations, the kids would rummage through them, play with them, hide in them, tie them on, try to put them in the tree (regardless of the weight), and leave them strewn around the living room. I was starting to get frustrated and wanted to tell the kids to stop touching everything. But somehow--I'm still not quite sure how--another feeling overpowered Scrooge. I started thinking about what I loved about Christmas as a boy. I don't think I ever enjoyed decorating, as in actually setting things in order; rather, I loved rediscovering all of these fascinating things that I hadn't seen in a year. I probably tried on the stockings and hats, tied ribbons in knots, hid under the Christmas tablecloth or the Christmas tree box, threw the ornaments, tried to eat old candy canes as my parents put them on the tree, and rolled around in all of the packing materials. So, I don't have the heart to take that away from the kids. We can all find joy in decorating for Christmas as long as (1) I realize that my kids and I experience the joy for different reasons, and (2) anything breakable is immediately put out of reach or out of sight.

What Could Make Them Clean the House?

A miracle occurred today. The kids--the two oldest--cleaned the house with us. They dusted, wiped surfaces, and vacuumed all morning without complaint. Although they were excited that once the house was clean we'd put up Christmas decorations, I've convinced they just enjoyed working on a project together as a family.  I came to this conclusion for a couple of reasons. First, I noticed that they didn't bring up the promise we made about Christmas decorations, which is something they usually do when motivated by the promise of a reward. Second, they did not complain even when some of the decorating, including putting together our artificial tree, was pretty tedious. When cleaning spilled into the afternoon, the kids did act up a bit. There were some moments of frustration but nothing some wrestling couldn't fix.

Imitation is the Best Motivation

They say "imitation is the best form of flattery." It's true that when my son dressed up in his white shirt and tie today so that he could be just like me before I went to work, I felt truly flattered. However, that wasted feeling that comes from no sleep and taking your baby to the emergency room in the middle of the night also vanished with the realization that I can't give into the feelings of frustration and fatigue that I feel because my son looks to me to show him not only what a corporate dad looks like but also what a corporate dad acts like when things get tough. Is he patient? Does he still take time to listen or to play? Does he at least calmly communicate that he wants to play but needs to rest for a minute? And most importantly, does he still support his wife by helping get things ready for dinner and bed time without rolling his eyes or heaving deep sighs? If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, then you are a better man than I am most days. Today, however, I wanted to show my son that this corporate dad can do it too.

The Corporate Dad-Mom

Today I operated on two battle fronts full-time: full-time attorney and full-time substitute mom.  My wife was taken out of commission today with an illness but that didn't stop deadlines at work. On the one hand, I needed to take care of our sick kids.  On the other hand, I needed to keep up with certain project deadlines.  How did I do them both?  Not very well.  Although I did feed the kids, I had them sit in front of the TV the rest of the time watching movies.  And, although I was able to work on my projects, I was unable to finish any of them.  So, at the end of the day, I was a neglectful father and a useless judicial clerk.  This may seem like a melodramatic conclusion, but when you're in the heat of the battle you feel like the fall of Bonaparte.  In reality, when trying to accomplish too many things at once, the most I can hope for is mediocrity.  But sometimes that's the best a corporate dad can do. I did feel better about myself after taking time to wrestle with the kids before bed.

Genetic Listening

It feels like there is no use trying to ask anything of our kids. Oddly, they can hear us when what we have to say involves treats, but that's about it. This evening, my wife asked me to get something for her and told me where it was--in her purse.  I came back with something I found when looking in her diaper bag. She simply asked, "Did you hear me?" Funny, I don't know how many times I ask my two oldest the same question each day. Perhaps its genetic.