Stopped In My Tracks

Our creative son felt bad today--the 26th, our power went out from a snow storm (it wasn't too big, but it was too much for Maryland's infrastructure), so this post is a day late--about something he did while I was at work.  We help watch a friend's little boy.  Our son, who was feeling creative, found a bean bag and wanted to pretend that the little boy was Quasimodo, from the movie Hunchback of Notre Dame, and that the bean bag was fruit, and throw the bean back at the little boy.  Luckily, my wife was there to counsel him against it.  It must have been weighing on him throughout the day, because at dinner he suddenly told us, "Mommy and Daddy, I will try and be better tomorrow."  I was stunned and began to praise him as the best four-year old I've ever known, when my wife quickly gestured for me to pause.  I was a bit taken aback, not sure what I was doing wrong.  Then my wife wisely asked him, "Why do you think you need to be better?"  Our son proceeded to tell us that he thought that what he wanted to do to that little boy wasn't very nice and that he will try to be nicer to him tomorrow.  I understood then why my wife stopped me.  What would he learn from me praising him every time he felt like he had done something wrong, especially if he really shouldn't feel so bad about it?  Probably nothing.  But my wife's question sparked a conversation that made him think more about what happened, and probably learn more from it.  We're not doing the thinking for him or relieving him of a burden that properly belongs to him.  Brilliant!  I've also seen my wife ask similar evaluative questions when our kids draw a picture or show us other things they've done.  I'm likely to praise it all day long, but my wife asks, "What do you think about it?"  That's what really matters, isn't it.  Sometimes they like it and sometimes they find problems with it.  When they find problems with it, they probably won't believe our praising or trust our opinion when we do, so it's better to see what they think first and go from there.  Again, brilliant!  Those Love and Logic tips are great.