Scary Conclusion

This is the second time we've been through potty training. Just like last time, we wait with bated breath for the time when our daughter can go through the night without getting wet, or through the day for that matter. She had made significant progress in both areas. She goes most days without a single accident, and some nights. She is remarkable, but it is difficult to know how best to teach or discipline her. Remarkable in that she crumbles when she realizes she makes a mistake. This morning she wept over her wet bed. This evening she felt horrible that she had an accident on the couch. She always gets disappointed when she goes potty on the toilet and discovers that she didn't go number two. She is difficult, however, in that the minute we try to talk seriously with her about it, she gets silly. She has repeatedly shown great focus, while at the same time disregarding our guidance. Tonight, I let frustration over her paradoxical nature get the best of me. I was left home alone with the three kids, and my wife and I made painstaking efforts to ensure that the kids were bathed early, that dinner had low mess potential, and that the house was clean. She had even told me that she needed to go potty, but quickly changed her mind. Everything was peaceful, until she wet the couch. I grunted and slammed my fists on the cushion in frustration. I cleaned her up, took the cushions off for cleaning, and went with her between the couch and the bathroom about 10 times asking, "Do you go potty on the couch?" She'd respond, "No." Then I'd say, "Show me where you go potty." That is when she stopped feeling bad and started getting silly. I'm stumped. I know I shouldn't have been so hard on her. She already felt so bad. I tried to make up for it with wrestling, books, her favorite songs before bed, and lots of hugs and kisses. (I also need to figure out how to unteach my son how to react like I did). So, here is my scary conclusion: maybe I should just relax, step back, and trust in my two-year old's understanding a little more, that she already knows how serious this is and wants to succeed at this as much as we do. She has shown so many times that she is a big girl, now I need to be better at treating her like one.