"Let Me Do What I Can Do!"

We went to pick our son up from the campsite where he was camping with our relatives. We let him do things like that without us because he has really proven himself trustworthy. Perhaps because he was pretty worn out or perhaps because he had enjoyed freedom from his parents for two days, he appeared to be getting pretty demanding. He wanted to play with the flashlight that our nephew was using to see the burgers he was grilling over the embers. I suggested he wait until our nephew was finished with it, but he kept on asking. Again, I told him he should wait until my nephew was finished. He responded, "Let me do what I can do!" At first, I took that to mean, "Let me do whatever I want," as if it were beneath him to submit to our parenting after two days of freedom. Although I can't let him do what he wants all the time, I should probably reduce my micromanaging tendencies a little bit and give him room to do what he can do sometimes. In other words, I should let him try out his own ideas more often, instead of insisting on adherence to my ideas.

He not only deserves more space to do things on his own, he needs that space to develop his own understanding of good ideas and bad ideas, which then leads to greater self-discipline. For example, he also refused to follow a cardinal rule of camping--wear layers. No matter how much his aunt insisted and we asked, he would not do it. So, instead of harping on him, we gave him space to try it his way and see what would happen. He realized quickly, of course, that he was freezing cold as the afternoon progressed into evening. When he told us he was cold and wanted us to solve his problem, we responded that it was his choice to go without a coat and that we are interested in his ideas on how to get warm again. He would quickly say he needed his gloves or a blanket, and he went and got them. He solved his own problems with some space to do what he can do, even if he didn't solve it the way I would have solved it.

Space to do what he can do, should also help him develop greater self-confidence. Micromanaging and criticizing have made him a bit insecure about certain things. In fact, he refuses to try certain things because he's been criticized about it, like driving his cousin's electric toy jeep. He wouldn't even help me drive the real four wheeler we were riding tonight when I invited him to. Another sign that I am too impatient, micromanaging, and critical. It is never my intention to make him insecure. To the contrary, I want him to be confident about himself and confident to try new things. At the end of the night, I asked my wife to remind me when I need to be more patient, stop criticizing, and give him space to do what he can do.