The Shock of Calm

Today was a stressful day. So, I was surprised when I found myself following my wife's advise during the moments of drama in our home this evening. First, we excused our son from dinner before our daughters because he finished first. Naturally, he hung out near the table, playing, and distracting his sister, who was only too happy to stop eating and play too. On no less than four occasions, I asked him or told him to move away from his sister and the table while she was eating so as not to distract her. Being a smart boy, and the son of a lawyer, our four-year old tried to excuse himself by trying to distinguish his conduct from the conduct he was sure I meant to prohibit. Surely balancing on the edge of the couch by the dinner table is not the same as playing near the table. Well, whatever distracts his sister is close enough for me. Exasperated, I took a deep breath, excused myself from the table, had him look me in the eyes, and told him very calmly that no matter what he is doing, if it near the table distracting his sister, it is not the right thing to do (although now I wonder whether I said it that clearly). He got it. Second, later on there was an altercation resulting in our daughter crying. She told us that our son hit her. Knowing from his face that he did, I was tempted to put him in time-out right then and there. Instead, I asked him to tell his side of the story and asked him questions about his behavior and what his behavior should have been. If my calm response the first time was a surprise, a calm response the second time was even more so, even to me--his excuses do get old quickly. So, when I told him to sit in time-out, he complied without resistance. I guess being calm and asking the kids questions about their behavior shocked them into compliance. I think I'll try it again tomorrow. I certainly feel less guilty than when I raise my voice and issue commands. I think for my son especially, since he is older and quickly advancing, it makes him feel like we recognize his intelligence.