A Constant Whisper

Throughout history and even today, many fathers have relied upon their sons as counselors, assistants, friends, and confidants, including John Adams (a tradition passed through to his descendants), Brigham Young, and others. As I read about these men and see the communication and relationships they had with their sons, I see more than the continual reproof and commands that are so characteristic of tired and busy fathers. I've noticed that they confide in their sons, confer trust in them, express confidence in them, and keep them informed of their lives and their work. I doubt whether all of that began when their sons were four-years old, then again maybe it did. I feel a constant whisper asking me, "What do you want your son to become?" In my mind I answer, "A man of God, a friend, and a counselor. Then it asks, "Is that how you are raising him?" In my mind I answer, "That is a good question. I don't know." There are many days where we do take time to talk, where I listen, or to play or experience things together. There are also moments when I do confide in him and confer trust in him and express confidence in him. Then I cringe as memories of impatient demands and sharp commands and reproofs, most of which were undeserved and stemmed from selfishness, comes to mind. Moments like those, I feel, sabotage my ultimate goal. Those are the kinds of moments that break down rather than build confidence. I am grateful they are not too frequent. My wife would say I'm too hard on my self. That's probably true. One thing I am certain of, however, is that the key ingredient to enjoying that kind of relationship with my son in the future is to treat our relationship now as I envision it to be then, even with a four-year old.