End From Beginning

There are days, like today, where a little cloud looms over my head. I couldn't really shake it. It could be that my wife is leaving for four days, during which time I will be Mr. Mom. It could be that it was overcast and rainy for part of the day. It could be that it was a slow day. Or, it could just be that I'm in limbo, between two worlds, nearing the end of my clerkship and packing up to begin my career at a law firm. The latter is probably compounded by the fact that I do not remember much about the area of law I will be practicing at the firm and that I still have an uneasy feeling about billable hours expectations and time with family. If my life were a book, I think I'd be seriously tempted right now to read the last page or at least skip a couple of chapters ahead to see how things turned out. My problem is that I want to know the end from the beginning, that I want to get from A to B as quickly as possible, and that I don't slow down to enjoy the experience of travelling there. I realize that if I am not careful, I'll reach my destination with an armful of achievements and a soul void of character. This realization helps me to step back, examine these more challenging days, and ask, "What can I learn from this? What kind of person can I become through this?" Unfortunately, it takes me until 9:15 pm to start asking these questions.