Epilogue to Pumpkin Carving: Authority and Respect

After the pumpkin carving last night, the rest of the night was disastrous. Our son kept getting out of bed. We finally refused to tuck him back in again, and he just waited in his room until after 10 pm. My wife and I were pretty fed up. It is interesting how easily I get offended when our kids just flat out refuse to acknowledge our authority as parents. My wife is a little more thick-skinned. Thinking about this since last night has helped me to answer two important questions? First, where do parents get their authority? Second, how can we tell if our kids respect it?

As to the first question, I realized very quickly that saying, "Because I'm the Daddy" doesn't work. I wish it did, because sometimes I can't come up with any better reason. In reality, time, attention, and trying to set a good example of what we teach builds our childrens' trust, including acknowledging when I make mistakes. That trust is my source of authority.

As to the second question, even having their total love and trust does not guarantee absolute obedience from even the best kids. I think we do have the best kids, but we still couldn't convince our son to go to bed last night. Obviously, there has to be some other way that they show us that they love and respect us. Tonight I was reminded of at least one way. After reading to my son, I talked to him about last night and apologized for getting angry. Then my son said something that he's often said before, "It's okay. Sometimes Daddy's make mistakes." It reminded me that even if he has moments of downright rebellion, he definitely respects me as his father, because he forgives my mistakes.

Now, for the next few days I need to keep these things in mind as my wife and I try to bring about two important changes: First, we want our son to stop complaining about what my wife makes for dinner. No matter what it is, he always starts dinner saying, "I don't like this!" The only exception is German Pancakes. Second, our little girl yells our names repeatedly as if everything she wants to tell us is a matter of life or death. It doesn't matter how much we listen to her. She wants us our total attention all the time. She needs to learn to keep her voice down and to wait until we can respond. I have no idea how to accomplish either of these things, but I'm sure this epiphany will remind me how to approach these issues.