Adjusting the Dream

To be honest, I came into this expecting a simple conflict of time: How do I balance demands at work with responsibilities at home? But it took me under 4 days at a law firm to realize it's more complicated than that. During orientation my head was spinning. Not only was there a ton of paperwork to fill out for taxes, parking, insurance, retirement, etc., but there was a parade of pro-work presentations. The message was simple: life at the firm is challenging, fulfilling, and fun, if you put in the time and effort. This included not only billable hours, but firm involvement, business development, community involvement, and pro bono work. Not only that, being new, we know nothing. If I don't spend much of my own time getting myself up to speed on the law I'm practicing, I'm no good. Ultimately, we rely on other attorneys to give us work, and they stop giving work to those who say "no." So, though I met get over subscribed, I need to get over it. I need to be willing to put in the time. During one of the final presentations, my head was spinning, so I finally asked, "How do we do all this and still have time for our families?" The partner, a member of the executive committee and someone for whom I have great respect, responded, "Your family always comes first. Work comes second. But make it a close second. I have two daughters. I never missed an important event in their lives. I wouldn't." I still didn't quite see how it was possible, but I knew he'd been through it too. So, dreams of family dinner every night, time to play every night, Saturdays and Sundays off, buying a home, etc., well, they need to be adjusted. What's really driven the point home was the fact that if I don't grow in this business, my student loan payments, 401(k), preschool tuition (which is ridiculous), etc., will eat away my discretionary income. I need to move up. I need to do what the partners want. But I'm finding there is a way. I won't make it to all family dinners, but I can make it to some or most. I can go in early, a great time to focus and buckle down, and leave around dinner time, then go back if necessary. My wife and I discussed my designating two late nights a week, to be used when the partners needed. We realize Saturdays may get used up. But these sacrifices will preserve our Sundays. We can move the dinner time, playtime, and bedtime schedules back slightly to give me a longer day. We can rent an apartment that is closer to work. It may be smaller, but it has a pool, which the kids love, and the commute is great. Throughout this orientation week, I actually do feel better oriented. Though some dreams may be adjusted, there is one that remains constant and fulfilled daily. We are becoming closer as we make sacrifices for each other. I wake up much earlier in order to work longer without missing the evenings with my family. My family waits a little longer for me to get home. We live closer to work, but in a smaller home. We find a cheaper preschool. Somehow, we love each other more, our commitment to each other grows, our kids learn valuable lessons. Who would have thought that those who have to sacrifice for each other are closer and happier?