Leaving the Gentle Slope

Ever wondered why Dads sometimes come home seeming tired, sensitive, or foreign to planet Earth? Ironically, I've never paused to figure it out until this week. Based on this week's experience, I have a theory that may provide at least one answer to this question:

My confidence comes in part from my ability to achieve. When beginning this clerkship, I felt the achievement of getting here. That feeling continued through the "honeymoon" stage, when the learning curve was still very gentle and eased me in to a new environment and a new routine.  This week, however, the honeymoon ended and the learning curve turned into a steep climb. The bench memo I've been working on is nothing like the first one.  It's much longer and more complex, and I've rewritten it several times. That, in combination with the fact that I am new to and struggling to master the areas of law addressed in this case, extinguished that sense of achievement.

I don't think there is anything wrong with feeling that way or letting my wife and kids see me feel that way. It's good for them to see Dad struggle too. However, I noticed this week that without openly explaining to them--yes, even to the kids--why I felt this way, they misinterpreted my behavior as a lack of interest in them. In some cases, I think their feelings got hurt.

So, I need to be better at explaining. They are smart enough to understand.  And, because English is still kind of a second language to kids (actions of love being their first language),  I've made sure to get some wrestling in before bed too.